greenlight district

Oh, right, I'm going to India for two weeks.

It's true! I'm going to India with Zack for two weeks in a little over a week and I am not prepared. We fly out November 21, or as I like to call it, (Zack does not refer to it this way), the day after New Moon comes out.

Just kidding.

But kind of not, because it's my job to know about that, and I've been more focused on my job than planning to fly around the world and go on elephant safaris (no big deal) and battle possible malaria and definite diarrhea. So now I have a little over a week to get it together, go to the doctor, pack, purchase things I need that I don't already own, and maybe have some time left over to research the wonderful place I am going to with my most favorite person. OH, and did I forget to mention that my parents are coming into town this weekend?

Let the countdown to India begin! Tonight's agenda: I have to fish through all of my travel size beauty bottles to distinguish the shampoo from the conditioner from the body wash etc. Or I might pass out watching LOST (Season 4, Episode 13)...

Google really gets me.

Every year when I go to the GREAT New York State Fair, I make sure to get a handwriting analysis test. I find these about 98% accurate (past example: "You are comfortable giving and receiving compliments - hullo!), funny ("You have the ability to handle large scale operations" - huhhuh!) and also flattering ("You enjoy creating happiness for others." - correct, like with my treats). Well, I've found a new machine to reinforce my path of self-definition/discovery when the State Fair is on hiatus: Google.

Directions: Go to Google. Type in: [your name] (space) is (space, this is an important space, it makes all the difference in accuracy) then see your results. A hot, cool, bossy, blonde, vegetarian Lisa? Change "cooking" to "baking" and we're golden.

Websites I wish were mine!

You know how your mom is always like, "I totally already invented that and should have patented it and made millions off of my genius idea!" while watching late night kitchen gadget infomercials? Probably the JoBro generation's* version of that is "I totally already came up with the idea for that website and should have bought the domain and become a web star"? (Can also sub in, "I totes already came up with that iPhone app in my head!") 

Well, I had that thought tonight when going through my emails. Being the rockstar baker that I am (also, see: humble) I'm helping a friend with a gay bake sale. He has decided to make Twinkies (DUH) and sent me a link to a devil's food cake/peanut butter Twinkie recipe featured on this site that I am now in food lust with: the chocolate peanut butter gallery! Tagline: "a site dedicated to the world's two best ingredients." Yesyesyesyeyseyes! Not to make greenlightdistrict.typepad.com jealous, but wow. Talk about my wildest web dreams. I will most likely be making everything on that site, veganizing/healthyfying much of it. My best chocolate peanut butter recipe would have to be a peanut butter chocolate cheesecake (VEGAN) that I still stand by today as being the most delicious cheesecake in the history of the world.

What are your favorite peanut butter chocolate recipes??

*Yes, I am including myself in the "JoBro generation" since I am desperately clutching onto my early 20's. And the Brothers Jonas have become a part of my daily life, so I'm allowed to use their name/image to prove my "cool" factor with the "kids these days" when I so choose.

Photo: Courtesy of the delish cpbgallery.com

Are there vegetarian buffets in Vegas?

I guess I'll find out.

Here's a really fabulous scenario: my job is sending me to Las Vegas for a few days!! As excited as I am, I can't imagine how effing thrilled someone else would be -- like, maybe someone who:
a) drinks more than 3 margaritas a year
b) knows how to count cards (or at least can play poker with them)
c) can enjoy all of the meaty treats on the many buffet lines

This summer has been a mix of trips, some more greenlight district than others (faux cheesesteaks in Philly, wild strawberries along the side of the road in Alaska -- but more on those later...) and I wonder what this work vacay will hold in terms of fake meats and locavore-friendly options. Rest assured, visions of seitan smorgasboards and vegan treat tables will be dancing in my head. As I sleep peacefully in my king size bed in the Wynn Encore Resort...

Buying panties in bulk is underrated (and other discoveries)

And no, I'm not talking about buying 5 for $25 at Vicky's, where's the fun in actually CHOOSING the specific pairs of underwear you want to wear anyways? I mean visiting your local Duane Reade (or for you out of NYCers, your drugstore or 'mart of choice) and picking up a 5-6 pack (7 if you're lucky) of undies. I did this for the first time in at least the last decade yesterday* and got much satisfaction out of it. I would suggest Joe Boxer for those gals in a pinch and near a KMart (aka in Astor Place). I was super satisfied with the end product: a perfectly packaged bundle of "low rise hipsters." (Sounds like the L train after last call heh heh) They were also surprisingly sexier than I thought they'd be...that might be because they were essentially cheap and flimsy. But I digress.

The other thing I have discovered this week is Pandora. I know what you're thinking: "WHERE WERE YOU ALL THIS TIME, LRAP??" Or maybe: "I thought, since you have mad dj skills, Pandora would be your virtual playlist playground-will you spin at my son's bar mitzvah?" I know this is new in the same way that Twilight was a brand new concept to my sweet/indie/artist/hipster friend Sarah Wolfe to whom I had to explain my job and the Jonas Brothers to. I think that my iPod has been feeling the heat from PDors as it has been playing some ridiculously sick mixes! Just now I put it on Shuffle and it played: Hanson, old school Britney, Nelly ("Pimp Juice," duh), and M.I.A. It usually tries to sneak in Celine Dion Xmas songs or all of that Goldfrapp, Artic Monkeys etc I have that I don't like to listen to on my commute. Don't worry, iPod, not even the magical Pandora can replace you.

And lastly, rounding out the green element: TV Carpooling! My friends and I don't have minivans and kids to take to soccer practice, but what we do have are TVs and shows we mutually appreciate. So our resource saving "pool" is a little bit different; instead of all watching our prime time programs alone we get together for weekly viewing parties! Gossip Girl with the Mulberry Broads, Idol/So You Think You Can Dance with the Chelsea boys - anything Twilight related with Annie, a trashy reality show once in a while with Molly Mouse. Not only is it a great way to save electricity - instead of several televisions/lights/etc on in three/four households, you have one -  but it's the best way to indulge in our group guilty pleasures. I also recently met someone who told me about a "Guacamol-Off" she had where everyone contributed their guac recipes to the party. Um, Gossip Girl Guacamol-Off to kick off the season 3 premiere anyone?

*this is what happens when you work in Jerz, live in BK and spend 85% of your week outside of your apt leaving no time to do laundry. I don't really expect any of you to need stashes of prepackaged panties otherwise...

Greenlight now in Twitter flavor!

Since my time (for now until I get my sched under control) is entirely devoted to following the Zac Efrons, Taylor Lautners, and Selena Gomezezezezes of the 'tween world, I want to keep delivering the goodness of greenlight, but now in bite size morsels! I know people pretend to not like Twitter, but I finally got into the phenom while reading up on the fascinating conversations about love and purity rings from the likes of Miley Cyrus, her 30-year-old bf, and Demi Lovato. Really, people, this stuff is good. So bad it's good, but still good. AND I realized it was the perfect medium to blog on when I don't really have time to blog.

So follow me on Twitter to get your daily dose of greenlight!

Best Twitter feeds to follow besides mine? 

Heidi Montag - she thanks Jesus in ALMOST EVERY TWEET. If only He had Twitter... 

Pocket Edward - follow his adventures!! This shit cracks me up all day!

Diablo Cody - the only person on my feed that updates as much as Perez (and is funnier, although his Twitter fights with Speidi are worth the follow)

Shaquille O'Neil - no, really. All he does ALL DAY is Twitter! Whoever mocks this saying "who needs to update the world with the stupid mundane crap they do" has never read Shaq's stupid mundane crap - which is actually awesome and wonderfully profound.

My prayers ("Are you there, job? It's me, L-Rap!") are finally answered

For as much as I like to make fun of people/my friends for actually having jobs, it's all in good fun/Regina George Mean Girls behavior. IT'S BECAUSE I'M JEALOUS! I know people think "work sucks," but guess what - I LOVE to work, and as much as I did enjoy having a little break from it at the beginning of my hiatus, I really don't want to be unemployed. I'll gladly trade my couch for a cubicle, my granola bars and free bagels that were just going to be thrown out for actual foods - my sweatpants for REAL pants!
Well, greenlighters, the time has come for your beloved L-Rap to claw her way out of the working class with her real j.o.b. (that starts tomorrow - AH!) If you've been listening to me bitch, moan, and cry  following the saga of the whole interview process that I've been through and/or noticed that I've been living in a cave the past 5 weeks, I first apologize for being a gloomy gal, second thank you for your unwavering love and support that got me through this time, and third invite you out for drinks and dancing to celebrate my entrance into the working world and say good bye to my slaveage to minimum wageage!

And just for funtimes, let's take a look at a rundown of my work history:
Putt-Putt Miniature Golf Course (later renamed Putter's Paradise): Summers '01, '02, '03 - pay: $6.15/hour, benefits: all the Smartie's and Choco Taco's you can eat and free games for your friends
American Eagle Outiftters: short-lived summer job in 2002 - pay: $5.40/hour, benefits: 40-60% discount, ability to add "excellent t-shirt folding skills" to resume
Journey's: the minute I turned 16 until I left for college (2002-2004) - pay: I totally forget I just remember that I got laid off for a short period and then rehired for a higher rate...probably $6.50 then $7/hour, benefits: 35% off, special 50%, also ability to survive in any working environment that included: sexual harassment, working the storefront while different managers hung out in the backroom committing statuatory rape, stealing shoes, smoking pot, taking pregnancy tests, gambling, napping, fighting/throwing shoeboxes at significant others, cheating on fiancée, pooping in a box to send to another store.
Gadzook's: Summers '02, later in '04 to help them liquidate while the company went bankrupt. pay: ?? prob around $7/hour, benefits: a discount, becoming well accquainted with the Playboy line of clothing and accessories and the people that purchase said items
Pastino's (later renamed Rosario's, now closed): Summers '04, '05 - pay: $3.30/hour + tips, benefits: really good free food
NYU Phonathon: first few months of freshman year, pay: who cares, it was the WORST JOB EVER with no benefits except getting the chance to harass dying NYU alum
Media 4 Humanity: 2004 - 2005 - pay: internship, so just warm fuzzy feelings for doing good, benefits: two personal assisting jobs each $10/hour
Oren's Daily Roast: 2004 - 2007 - pay: $8-11/hour + tips, benefits: Nothing to snark about, really, truly the love of my service industry life! Made some of my best friends here and became a serious coffee snob from working here...
Dogsitting: 2005 - present - pay: good, benefits: getting to know dogs like Chester and Austin-pants
Interview: 2006 - pay: internship, benefits: free mags, indie cred, and paid freelance transciption work
Brooklyn Bread: 2009 - pay: $6.50/hour + tips, benefits: bagels, ability to master paying rent, utilities, and loans each month on less than $800 gross income
Assorted real jobs: Ryan Basic's & Sexy Beast, Entertainment Weekly/EW.com, Shecky's, lots of freelance writing

Bagging it up: Gym Bag Beauty!

This post could also be titled, "hey, read the stuff that I write for Shecky's!" no shame in MY game, but for reals - here's a fun article on the essentials for your workout routine aka: fun versions of all of the crap that you lug to the gym with you. I'm really into all of this right now (although I've always been a big fan of miniature beauty products) because I spend a lot of time at my love's apartment since his living quarters now trump mine. Also, I'm a multi tasker to the billionth degree and have a big purse. This yellow American Apparel bag that you see here is actually in memory of one that I bought once long, long ago to use as a gym bag. Yet somehow it has become my roommate's personal mantote, accompanying him on many a drunken adventure - sometimes involving Chicken McNuggets buried in its sleek nylon design - not very, "greenlight district" of him. Anyways, enjoy Gym Bag Beauty! And, as always, look out for the select eco products I threw in the mix!

Below, a picture of roommate Joe with said stolen bag:

Boots with the rabbit fur!?

Oh, Flo-Rida! Why you be lettin' your friends kill rabbits on your tour bus and shit? In bizarre celebrity news that will piss PETA off hard (and has nothing to do with the Olsen twins): apparently some jerks on Rida's tour bus killed a rabbit for no reason out in public and now the police are questioning passengers to investigate this weird case of Peter Rabbit-esque cruelty. Allegedly, (and by "allegedly," I mean: "it's what I read on Perez Hilton") Flo later released a statement saying that he's an animal lover, duh, and would never let this happen! Now let's focus more on the apple bottom jeans and less on the boots with tha furr, okay?

Me and my Pop Culture Addictive Personality Disorder take on Twilight (and lose)

"Oh shit," I thought when I finally watched Twilight - when I realized exactly why I had been avoiding cracking open the book or Googling "Robert Pattinson." It's because I can't just simply enjoy such a sweet brand of cultural phenomenon and move on, if I fall for it then I live and die for it. My name is Lisa, I have Pop Culture Addictive Personality Disorder, and Twilight is my new drug of choice.

I'm like those alcoholics that can't hang out at a bar without funneling a bottle of tequila and lighting themselves on fire. I put some of the blame on the enablers I call my "friends" who should have known this before exposing me to Stephenie Meyers' trite teen drama and Robert Pattinson's chiseled (LIKE OUT OF MARBLE) gloomy gaze. Look at the facts: when I was 11 every girl my age was into Hanson or NSYNC or BSB or whatevs, but they all got over it. I'm the one that carries the torch a decade later (and cough cough, fucking met them and interviewed them no big deal cough cough) I've had similar relationships with others: Degrassi/The N, many a TV show that I've watched in its entireity over a weekend, JT , BritBrit - but quite possibly my lovelust for Twilight is even more potent. (KINDOFLIKETHELOVETHATEXISTSBETWEENBELLAANDEDWARDTHETRUESTLOVEINALLTHEWORLD)

So eff all of you for letting me watch the movie and read the books. I'm a few pages away from the end of New Moon, and I'm already clammy (or "palpy" as they say) for Eclipse. I sped through Moon just so (SPOILER ALERT) I could sleep at night knowing that Edward and Bella reunite. Although, I'm savoring the last 100 pages or so and don't know how the story ends so don't blow it for me. This is because I won't be able to handle it if something bad happens and they aren't together anymore. Um, no joke. Scary, I know. Help.

It's cool, Robert Pattinson, you can just keep staring at me like that, it's no big deal. It's not like my hands burn with a hundred fucking suns of passion to run my fingers through your impossibly beautiful locks. And your stubble is, like, whatevs, it's not like I die inside imagining what it would feel like to scrape against my cheek while you were whispering sweet nothings into my ear, you asshole.