greenlight district

Once in a Lifetime?

I wrote the title for this before realizing it might be misleading. This blog post is not to chat about my (awesome) new(ish) job - it's about The Golden Girls, of course.

It all started with laundry. Sometimes you decide to do laundry, and sometimes, like when you're buying underwear or wearing bikini bottoms because you have no clean undies, laundry decides it must be done. Today's laundry night was the latter, and by folding time I was spent. TV seemed to be the only viable option and I'd rather tune in to the Girls over the Housewives. Any. Day.

After watching my favorite Floridian females (no, THEY'RE IN MIAMI, BITCH) for a few minutes it hit me: "I don't know every one liner, every draped silk jacket, every dessert eaten at the kitchen table... IS THIS AN EPISODE I HAVEN'T SEEN BEFORE?!?"

This is shocking for a true blue (gold? platinum?) fan like myself who thought she had seen every episode 3-7 times and already hunted for the missing links in the oft imperfect syndication timeline. I live for the opportunity to discuss which "Golden Girl" I am and I get giddy when I see the plane flying into the sunset in the first second of the intro - obviously indicating that this is an episode from the first season, and probably one that I have seen only a couple times. But no times? Once in a lifetime.

When Rue McClanahan died a couple months ago, I was pretty devastated, something that surprised even me, the girl who weeps softly during Savasana and cried 13 minutes into The Blind Side (seriously - who am I?) The night Rue died I had a dream where I was eating dinner next to Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch and other strong, funny ladies of today (perhaps Margaret Cho? An endearing Emma Stone repping the young'ins?) I turned to them and started sobbing, telling them that they would have to somehow carry on the legacy and mean to my daughter/[gay sons] some day what the GGs meant to me. Surely those ladies will pay up whether or not this blog post comes up on their Google Alert, but either way, this excavated episode proves once and for all that the Golden Girls are eternal. In case there were ever any doubts.

What Snooki and I have in common

I work in New Jersey and thus spend a bulk of my time there or getting there. NJ is definitely cool for some people, and I do enjoy the occasional suburban pleasures it offers, but when Jersey Shore debuted, I honestly couldn't get down. The last thing I want to do while safe at home in Brooklyn is return to the Dirty J, even if it is to its sunny boardwalked-shores.

But I finally gave up and drank a special hipster cool-aid: 1 part Gawker's field guide to the show chased with 4 parts Michael Cera's Youth in Revolt/Jersey Shore mash-up. (Watch all of the videos here! Stand out Cera quote: "I see the appeal. It's fun. Beating up the ground.") I watched a mini marathon, much easier to swallow with Michael's hair-gel fueled, fist-pumping vignettes. And with the knowledge of what a grenade/grenade launcher is.

Like all of us with taste, I was immediately drawn to Snooki, but what really pushed me over the edge was her repulsed reaction to the boys' lobster dinner. "I'm a vet tech," she explained. "I save animals. I don't kill them." 

GIRL. I hear that. Eating lobster is totes like indulging in a big plate of biodiversity-ruining, ocean ecosystem-devastating grossness. Plus they look like big, red cockroaches -- ew! Ignoring the next shot of our animal lovin' star suckling on a ham bone, she wins honorable mention for standing up for what she (kinda) believes in. Bravo, Snooks!

And happy new year, everyone! I would love to know what you all think about Jersey Shore -- and if YOU knew what a grenade was before watching this...

Photoshopping: Courtesy of this guy

Buying panties in bulk is underrated (and other discoveries)

And no, I'm not talking about buying 5 for $25 at Vicky's, where's the fun in actually CHOOSING the specific pairs of underwear you want to wear anyways? I mean visiting your local Duane Reade (or for you out of NYCers, your drugstore or 'mart of choice) and picking up a 5-6 pack (7 if you're lucky) of undies. I did this for the first time in at least the last decade yesterday* and got much satisfaction out of it. I would suggest Joe Boxer for those gals in a pinch and near a KMart (aka in Astor Place). I was super satisfied with the end product: a perfectly packaged bundle of "low rise hipsters." (Sounds like the L train after last call heh heh) They were also surprisingly sexier than I thought they'd be...that might be because they were essentially cheap and flimsy. But I digress.

The other thing I have discovered this week is Pandora. I know what you're thinking: "WHERE WERE YOU ALL THIS TIME, LRAP??" Or maybe: "I thought, since you have mad dj skills, Pandora would be your virtual playlist playground-will you spin at my son's bar mitzvah?" I know this is new in the same way that Twilight was a brand new concept to my sweet/indie/artist/hipster friend Sarah Wolfe to whom I had to explain my job and the Jonas Brothers to. I think that my iPod has been feeling the heat from PDors as it has been playing some ridiculously sick mixes! Just now I put it on Shuffle and it played: Hanson, old school Britney, Nelly ("Pimp Juice," duh), and M.I.A. It usually tries to sneak in Celine Dion Xmas songs or all of that Goldfrapp, Artic Monkeys etc I have that I don't like to listen to on my commute. Don't worry, iPod, not even the magical Pandora can replace you.

And lastly, rounding out the green element: TV Carpooling! My friends and I don't have minivans and kids to take to soccer practice, but what we do have are TVs and shows we mutually appreciate. So our resource saving "pool" is a little bit different; instead of all watching our prime time programs alone we get together for weekly viewing parties! Gossip Girl with the Mulberry Broads, Idol/So You Think You Can Dance with the Chelsea boys - anything Twilight related with Annie, a trashy reality show once in a while with Molly Mouse. Not only is it a great way to save electricity - instead of several televisions/lights/etc on in three/four households, you have one -  but it's the best way to indulge in our group guilty pleasures. I also recently met someone who told me about a "Guacamol-Off" she had where everyone contributed their guac recipes to the party. Um, Gossip Girl Guacamol-Off to kick off the season 3 premiere anyone?

*this is what happens when you work in Jerz, live in BK and spend 85% of your week outside of your apt leaving no time to do laundry. I don't really expect any of you to need stashes of prepackaged panties otherwise...

So You Think You Can DATE NEIL?

I'm dogsitting the lovable Austin-pants, which means that for the week I have a pup, a sweet pad in Soho and a subscription to Time Out and New York mag. This week's Time Out is obvi about Valentine's Day and has Judah Friedlander and a bunch of other single NYers on the cover with a dating guide inside. I scanned the little pics thinking I'd come across at least an ex or someone a friend had boned. But to my SHEER DELIGHT the only familiar face Ispotted was the beautiful blonde Neil Haskell, a finalist on Season 3 of best-show-ever So You Think You Can Dance and someone I had an immense reality TV crush on! He is a great dancer and was very personable and funny on the show. My roommate sometimes sees him and other SYTYCDance hotties at Broadway Dance Center and I knew that Neil was in Alter Boyz off Broadway, but didn't know his relationship status (um, or really sexual orientation for that matter, he's looking for a lady. Go for it, Annie) until now. If I wasn't a happily married woman I'd be all about it, but since I can only look, mama needs someone to touch. Please date Neil (pictured right)! Check out his profile and email this pirouetting stud muffin. (And someone please check on Travis and Ivan while we're at it)

If you're still not sure whether or not you'd enjoy seeing Neil with his shirt off, here are some stalkery pictures that should quiet any doubts. And maybe watching this video of him and his limber levitating pelvic region will further seal the deal: